There it is.
I’m as pregnant as they come.
Due in March. Overwhelmed. Sick as a dog.
Occasionally, I’m flooded with waves of excitement and joy and glowing maternal energy, but mostly at this point it just doesn’t feel real.
Trent and I had been moving into our new apartment all day long and all day long I had been exhausted, needing to sit down and rest every now and again, taking 20-minute naps here and there, which I never ever do. I’m not usually the most helpful person around on moving days, but this was particularly bad. After a while Trent joked, “You’re acting like you’re pregnant.” (Back Story: This was a joke because I had taken a pregnancy test a couple weeks before that had come out negative. Still don’t think it’s funny? No worries. It wasn’t a very funny joke.) I came back in middle school fashion: “Well, I could be pregnant you know,” (Read: You’re a jerk.) at which point I decided I would secretly take a pregnancy test that night to prove that Trent was, in fact, a jerk, never really believing I was actually pregnant. (Note my impressive maturity here.)
That night our bedroom was still littered with junk and boxes, but our bed was set up and made so we sat down to watch a movie. I snuck away to take a pregnancy test in the bathroom. When I saw the results, I yelled to Trent through the door that he should probably pause the movie because I was pretty sure I was pregnant. He did.
For a second, we both soaked in the silence, me staring into the bathroom mirror, him staring into the TV screen on the other side of the door. “We don’t know what we’re in for,” I thought, watching myself blink like a robot. Void. Blank. Frozen.
I timidly kicked the door open and Trent pulled me back in bed. He gave me a big hug and said all the right things, a total nice-guy move, especially considering how shocked we both were. I made him drive with me to Walmart in the middle of the night to get a fancy store brand pregnancy test just in case the dollar store test I had originally used was faulty. It wasn’t. We hugged again, still shocked but a little more convinced, and went to sleep surprisingly easily. It all felt too soon. That went without saying, but that first night we slept like babies ourselves, one last time before the stress and worry and back pain set in. But before we drifted off, I Googled “Positive pregnancy test … now what?” and educated myself on a small sliver of the stuff I do not know, which is everything.
Here goes nothin’.